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Friday, July 27, 2007 ( wilted @ 5:21 PM ) what is meant to be urs will be urs... i guess it wasn't meant for me... found myself moving backwards instead of reaching another level in dance... Disillusions? I need a listening ear.... Like a bubble... it burst... so random are my thots... i guess they reflect what i'm gg thru now... ~the rose wilted~ 0 comments ( Wiltering Black Rose @ 3:37 PM ) As winter drew closing, the flowers are starting to wilt... Can the rose surive through it or will the petals start to fall off... Searching for comfort... ~i m lost~ 0 comments Wednesday, July 25, 2007 ( Black Rose @ 3:01 PM ) I don't know if we are just plain lucky or the rest of the teams that were kicked out was just below us by tt small percentage... anyway, we got in and we are definitely going to work hard to prove our place in the finals. Btw, our grp name is - 'Black Rose' *pause* *laugh* I gathered you must be laughing now cus that's the reaction my sis had when i told her.. cus Black Rose in chinese is like the old movie show which starred Lu Kee and his Hei Mei Gui lover.. haha... Well.. we spent almost 3 days to come up with the name and finally Dap thought of this. Mysterious and yet elegant.. yUp.. That should be what the name represent and what the team members possess (i doubt i gt the elegance part thou.. ) I had prayed real hard to shifu and sometimes i wondered did he watched over me and bless our team? I don't know but i felt really consoled.. felt as if he is still somewhere out there... it's down to 10 days le.. we have yet to start practising on the steps. Just managed to rush out the mix yesterday but am not at all satisfied with it.. Mel said she had edited it le but I haben got the chance to hear the final version.. hope it'll be great.. Starting tml will be intensive prac till the final day. Weekends should be burnt with the practices... neglected my keyboard for the past 2 weeks.. feel so guilty la... scare i cannot catch up... will be going to studiowu ep for Choon Hui's MTV class later then head home, bathe and prac my keyboard.. need to keep myself occupied if not my mouth will be itchy and my stomach will give way... haha... Jia You!!! ~we all grow from our mistakes...~ 0 comments Thursday, July 19, 2007 ( late night posting @ 1:09 AM ) guess 2 weeks is simply too short a period for us. n comparatively, i think we lack the theme element... if only we get thru the auditions, i'm sure we will do better... =( everytime i felt kinda demoralised, i'm reminded of shifu and i tell myself i must do it for him and not throw his face. i really wish he's still around.. then i would be able to sought advice from him. was looking through the past videos which shifu took for us during classes and i really felt like he has never left... i was even thinking if i can see him tml (thur used to be shifu's video groove class). I haben deleted his hp no. off my phone. I guess i'll never do that too... a part of me seems to be telling me that "hey, y not u sms shifu and ask him about the dance" or "sms shifu and ask him if he'll be reachin early for class today..." has it been 3 weeks or almost there...? i've lost count... hmm.. maybe i'll go visit you and talk to you tml in the morning before i rush off for the ultimate final rehersal... as for the actual day itself... i really hope you'll watch over me (& the team), will you? i'm already starting to think about what i wan to tell you... i finally got the 'feel' for the single single double double steps, my wave has improved, i'm still not cut out for Girls' Hip Hop simply cus i am very rough and dunno how to act sexy, i recently entangled up and seriously depressed over my hair and am fretting over it... can you enlighten me about my hair...? boo hoo hoo... =( sigh.. it's late le.. i wan to slp.. tml's another long day... ~entAngLed.emOtions.hAir.prIde.~ 0 comments Friday, July 13, 2007 ( photos photos photos @ 2:32 PM ) As promised in my last entry... it's photos time!!! Brother's Convention - 070707 @ NUS The males of TEE Family...hmm..who's the most handsome one?  The Twins & their mum...  Grandma & the NUS Graduate & Xiao Gu  Say CHEESE for the family photo! Hmm... how come my mum had her eyes closed...  mi & my brother.. omg! he's as tall as me...  Hey! I wasn't prepared....  Now that's better.. *smile, I'm a 'graduate' too...*  We grew up fighting, squabbling and laughing at each other...  I still can't figure out if this is a Bear or Lion...  Does our faces look smaller..?  Yes.. tt guy with the damn pro looking camera was the photographer whom I had mentioned in the last entry..  I took this pic for my sis.. it's nice right... feels like some 70s or 80s movie poster.. =)  the cab was really sQueEzY at e bacK.. look! my brother's head is hitting the top..  the other 3 bAck passengers were nt having a great time either...  Presenting to you.....*drums roll...* Settlers: Steve Tee - "See what see... never see Jay Chou before ar.."  Settlers: Jenielle Tee - "aRgH! I'm going to win all of you!"  Settlers: Aunti Phang - "hmm... what am i doing here...?"  Settlers: Fion Tee - "I want this picture to look nice"  Settlers: Javen Tee - "they must be out of their minds.. there's no way they can win me..I'm the evil gamemaster...!"  Settlers: Father Ah Sing - "let me finish my food first before I finish you people..."  the cam whore sisters!!  Now... how many of you can get to see your parents playing lego at this age....?  this is a funny pic.. *oOps.. i hope my sis wun kill me for posting it...*  Next stop: Partyworld @ Chinatown (11pm - 3am) dear trying to book a room for ktv while i lie happily & comfortably on his shoulder..  need some stuffs to liven up the atmosphere?  the lights made him seem like a star..  the weird combi ktv gang on 070707  [i kept having this feeling that you have nv left us... kept thinking that i will see you soon...] [will i make it or will i fall from it...] ~random thoughts...~ 0 comments Monday, July 09, 2007 ( No more tears.... @ 11:28 AM ) 070707 - a happening day for me... Sat morning I went to see shifu again. This time round, together with my sister. I was no longer feeling sad but more like going to see a old friend of mine. It was good 'chatting' with him and discussing about him with my sis. It felt like the good old days then... Din treat him to any bubble tea thou cus I think he is drinkin it almost everyday (treats from other students...) and I figured tt this might get abit unhealthy for him.. haha.. maybe i'll visit him again this sat and this time round, i'll buy him the bubble tea. Btw, i realised it's not Quicky but 'Each-a-cup' that's his fave store.. =X Went off to meet dear as his company was having a soft launch for their accupunture slimming centre at marine parade. Dear and acomplices wanted to persuade me to have a 'test-poke' by the accupunture lady but i was scared to go for it... ever since tt terrifying experience at the hospital on how they force the needle into my hands, i've had phobia with needles... =x I went off around 245pm and took 197 from there to Clementi to meet up with my bro,sis, aunt and grandma. We were heading to NUS for my brother's commencement! Finally.. after struggling for 3years, my brother is graduating today and I bet my parents are the ones with the biggest smiles.. afterall, i think my brother did their proud by being the 1st and only guy in the family to wear tt graduation gown. Lotsa of photos were taken but you wouldn't see them in this entry.. so keep coming back for the photos k. psst.. my brother also had a 'personal' professional photographer who kept helping him to take photos and he is so pro he can even appear out of nowhere and snapped our pictures.. And did I mentioned that mi and my sis got my brothers to do so many funny poses that i think they must be feeling damn paiseh.. wahaha.. wat to do.. it's the 2 cam-whore sisters! =p Oh yar, I want to complain.. Is NUS supposed to be more financially stable than SP? How come the refreshment that they served are way below what I had for my graduation in SP 2 years ago! Don't tell me the cost of food increase? But stil.. how can they expect to satisfy me with chee kuek, curry puff, samosa and dry mee siam! They didn't even ensure that there is enough flow of drinks for all! *hUmph* And so after much 'Chees-ing' in NUS, my brother actually told us that he got a table for us (the family) at where he's working (Settlers @ Clarke Quay). I had wanted to go back to my darling but seeing the enthusiam and it was so rare for the family to get tog, I decided to meet my darling later. AND NOW the highlight of the day. the SIX of us hailed a cab and SQUEEZED into a cab. The taxi uncle was kind to allow us to do so cus by right, it's not legal. My father had the best seat - the front seat. The rest of the family members had to sit 'in-out' at the back seats to ensure tt everyone's butts is in the cab.. And my sis managed to video our very awakward situation at the back seats.. i guess my sis, bro (YY) and I were laughing the loudest in the cab. in fact, I thought we acted abit crazy in the cab.... Haha... as usual.. video wil be up in nxt entry..(subjected to approval from my sis..) honestly, it's really hard to imagine my mum & dad in settlers... afterall, it's a place where most young people will come and play games.. I seriously dun think my parents are the kind who will pay money to play games lo.. mahjong maybe.. But guess what, we had SO SO SO SO MUCH FUN! And it was really great to see my mum & dad laughing so happily and for the very 1st time since dunno when, i actually felt our family bonding together.. it was a great feeling and it made me understand what family ties mean... i left around 8plus and i nearly shocked myself to death! I was searching for my wallet but it was no where in my handbag! I went back to the cafe and 'mobilise' the whole family to search for it.. finally, my sis solved the mystery as she figures tt my wallet must haf dropped into my bro graduation bag while we were 'squeezing' away in the cab earlier on... and she's right. I walked over to TCC @ clarke quay to see my dear and friends once more. We slacked and sat there till 9plus then dismissed. However, the night is still young! My sis and I and my bro (yy) were going for KTV! I guess we were still feeling high.. my aunt was supposed to join us as well but she flew the kite at the very last min.. and my dear, being so kind, said he will join us.. =) we couldn't get a room at Kster or Kbox (both @ lucky chinatown) and thus I sms-ed joe to ask if he has partyworld number. And the next moment was damn dramatic... Joe called me and he sounded damn excited and ask if i was goin ktv.. i said yes, and he was like "wa..bo jio".."can we join".. er.. he was with Rodney.. Anyway, the next thing i heard was "quick! Press the bell"... "Ding Dong"... The story is that Joe and Rodney were already on the bus home and they actually drop off the bus and make a u-turn cus they wanted to go ktv.... duH.... we finally got a room at partyworld chinatown.. woOaH.. i must commend on the room.. there were only 6 of us but they gave us a room fit for 10ppl.. and that room even had those 'shakers' and those musical stuffs which you used to liven up the atmosphere! Man.. I'm impressed.. I was baffled by how joe mistook my bro(the younger one - yy) as my sister's bf... hAha... when he realised the misunderstanding, he started laming with my bro.. as usual la.. he can really lame with anyone anytime sia... we ktv-ed till 3am and finally ended the 070707 day... boy, it seem such a long day... skipped the Sunday MTV dance at Keck Seng cus was exhausted... no more energy to dance.. =X *************************************************************** my friend got me to do sth which in my wildest dream I also wun think about.. kinda anticipating it and yet feeling very uptight about it.. I was thinking.. maybe shi fu created this situation for me to be in... I need his re-assurance badly... sigh... ~everything happen for a reason....~ 0 comments Tuesday, July 03, 2007 ( how long.... @ 5:42 PM ) No more hip hop on Mon. No more j/k pop on Tue and no more video groove on thur. Or should i said, no more ishi's class anymore. I felt so weird stepping back to the studio. The min I went into the studio and sat at my usual corner, I was reminded of you. The image of you sitting by the sound system and your black adidas bag lying on the floor appeared in front of me and my eyes began to well up. I looked at the mirror and I could almost 'see' you cheorographing the steps for our class. I didn't want to cry cus i know i wouldn't be able to stop so I went out of the studio, refusing to step in again till I felt i was stronger. Do you know that during street jazz, i kept holding back my tears. I wanted to focus and dance well but it was bad. In the back of my head, your voices kept echoing... I just wanted to get out of the studio and head home. Class ended and I noticed my sister's eyes were slightly red as well.. i guess she felt the same way.. Bryan was encouraging. He gave me smiles which I could feel were smiles of comfort but I know that I need to rely on myself to get back on my feet. I'm just wondering.. Did Shi Fu came back yday to see us dance? Did he think about the class as much as we did...? Me and my sis are going to see Shi Fu on Sat again. Should I get him bubble tea? flowers? his fave CD? some guitar miniatures...? ~how long can i deceive myself~ 0 comments Monday, July 02, 2007 ( Almost over you @ 5:13 PM ) it has been 4 days since you left us but i still feel like yday... still thinking that maybe i will see you in studio later... i went to see you just now. to my amaze, i didn't cry terribly or break down when i saw you. i was calm and i felt like i could finally accept everything. but when i left and i saw the bubble tea by your tablet, i teared. I guess it reminded me of how you always appeared at the studio with one hand holding onto a bubble tea. And yes, you prefered bubble tea from 'Quickly' instead of 'Sweet talk'. I have been talking to friends about you and i'm seriously think the media sux.. they are just exaggerating and trying to sensation the news... wth.. things are over so stop trying to create any stories out of it... his family members are in grief and so are all his friends... all these tell tales are just going to aggrevate matters... i'm afraid to going to lesson later. I should be looking forward to your lesson today but you would be here anymore. Will i b able to feel your presence later? Will I break down later? Will I just stone away while standing at the position where i always stand and looking at the position where you always stood beside me? Nowadays, I hate to be alone. When i close my eyes, I see the scene where you laid in the car. It's a horrible feeling... I'm sad and yet scared at the same time. I've been listening to all the sad songs not because I want to make myself even more depress but I think listening to these songs make me feel that someone is sharing my sorrows. I'm not sad sad but it just feels so weird and bad that someone is suddenly missing from your life.. i need lots of comfort.... ~sudden urge to see my dear....~ 0 comments Sunday, July 01, 2007 ( i will be fine @ 12:00 AM ) i dunno why you did what you did and left everyone so shocked and sad.i guess you decided that was the only path left. somehow i do wished it was a freak accident and that you didn't choose to leave us. i was telling myself, why did i attended ur lesson and why did i choose to talk to you. if i dunn0 you, i guess i wouldn't be so upset now. i dunno if i can step back into the studio and pretend that you have never taught me anything in the same studio as well. I missed all your warm up and how you always start the class by saying "Alright, I'm going to start the class now".. I once asked you why your warm up also never changed and now i really dun wan you to change. I missed all your 'single-single-double' and i miss you saying "Ok. Let's get ourselves alittle more warm up.." I missed you asking mi and my sis if the music was too loud and you saying "let me know if the music is too loud k".. i missed all your video groove lessons and I will never complain having to do any pair dance anymore.. i missed you saying "1, 2 ......5,6,7,8" and i miss how you always try to video us during the classes..i missed you sitting at the left side of the studio on every mon before the class starts..i missed you always forgetting the dance steps and asking us to dance one more time for you... i missed you saying "Ok, I know i've said this a million times but still i'm going to say this again..." Do you know i still hope to see you for mon hip hop class...? you promised that you will talk to me on my dance when we have the time but you broke your promise. you said you will treat me to bubble tea cus i remembered the dance steps but you never did. you told me you will be ok but you did not do so. you said you will be strong but you gave in to your problems.if only i had shown you more concern, maybe i wun be tying this today. it hurts to use past tense on a friend... i wud rather lie to myself and pretend that you went overseas but all the news reports kept telling me it's true. You're gone... Dear Ishi, thanks for teaching me so much and thanks for saying thank you to me. I will remember your teaching and I will be strong. I will always remember you and I hope you are happier now... ...................................................................................................................................................................... To my bf and friends: I hope you understand that i'm just griefing over the lost of a beloved friend cum teacher and nothing more than that. I guess everything is too sudden and I just couldn't handle the shock. It's not easy to accept such thing esp. when your daily routine is involved. Suddenly, what i've been doing everyday has such a drastic change and i need time to accept it and cool down. Maybe you might think i'm over-reacting...but i believe like most students, we are all badly affected. We just need some time to accept this harsh reality and we'll be fine then. i hope i will not cause any unhappiness to anyone. ~rest in peace, ishi shi fu~ 0 comments |
