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Friday, November 09, 2007 ( dedicated to you @ 12:59 PM ) unpleasant stuffs happened and this is definitely not what she, you or me wished for. you may think that you are the only victim in this whole episode but in all honesty, all of us are victims. How i wished i nv found out abt all these & be like some of our frds who are still clueless & thinking that nothing has happened or changed. If only... i shall not attempt to explain what I understand about the matter. it's over. it's over. bringing it up doesn't seems to value add to anything. what i would really want to talk about here is that i feel that you have shut yourself in your own world and not giving others a chance to present their side of the stories. i hate to say this but i think you have been putting words into our (or rather mine) mouths. & it's really amazing that i could always guess why you did what you did. Can i say it's cause I understand you? i bet if you are reading this entry, you will definitely know i'm referring to you. you might also be thinking that i might said i understand you but in actual fact i nv do. you might also be saying that it's us who is pushing you to a corner & it's us that have led you to become what you are today. i nv intentionally cut you out of any activities or not ask you to his party. i did not ask you cus it was the period whereby you were still angry with her & i figured tt this would be awkward if both of you were to be present. furthermore, this is HIS party and I really dun wan to risk having any unhappiness. you may then question and say how come she & zx are there then. Well, even before that fateful incident happened, i have been meeting up with her as she was gg thru a hard time with her guy & to help her tide over tt difficult period, i often asked her & her bro to come out with me and my guy. Hence, naturally i wud say that in comparison, it is more reasonable to ask her to help me with tt party. as for zx, it so happened that we met each other the other day & i was feeling my usual high-ness hence i briefly mentioned to him & he decided to appear tt day. Anyway, tt day, most of the ppl who came are not my friends but HIS friends. Would you want to come & then not able to find yourself comfortable in the setting? In fact, she & zx were doing self-entertaining most of the time & all i did was to take a few pics with them. I'm sorry if I had made you misunderstood anything due to this matter. but if you could enlightened me, pleaes let me know if you would haf turned up if I had asked you to come and whether you would have pretended nth had happened & smile throughout the event. If your answers is yes, then i will definitely apologise and say sorry for being such a inmature woman and for having such little confidence in my friend. that particular event doesn't mean that i've choosen side. in fact, i dun see it as anything significant other than HIS celebration. i know you will think that it meant nth to me but it actually says alot about me to you right. i've been trying to keep in touch with you (thru smses) but when you din reply. i knew sth was wrong & my guess was correct. i've nv labelled you out of my buddies list but apparently, you seem to feel that you have made a wrong friend. Do you know that what you said hurts me equally? Do you really feel that I or we have let you down? Do you really think you have made a wrong choice in this frdship all along? I can tell you for sure that I or we still care for you and would very much hope to get back like what we were in the past. I dunno how it can be done cus like what you had mentioned before, even if the wound heals, the scar would still be there. This, i agree. I had a broken frdship which took a really long time to heal & even though it seems to be back where it ended, somehow you just feel that sth is missing. But then, despite this, i still cherish this frdship alot. I believe that only when sth matters to you then you would be troubled by it. If our frdship meant nth to me, i wouldn't waste my time typing this entry. I could have live my life as it is and forget abt you since i feel that you are starting to do the same to me/us. Let me know if I should continue to try to salvage this frdship. We can take little step at time but if you feel that there is no point anymore. Then let me know. At least, I will have a conclusion to this matter. I've tried my very best to express my thoughts. Some of the wordings might sound harsh but i'm never good with words. You know sth..while i am typing this entry, I thought about our outings.. ur 21st bday present..countdowns.. etc etc.... ~52 more days to the end of the eventful 2007~ 0 comments |
